Welcome to Turn and T.A.L.K. Tuesday! I am so happy that you have found your way to this corner of the website!
Turn and T.A.L.K. Tuesday was originally created for my Youtube channel where I talked about things from parenting to communication. It later turned into a channel where my daughter and I discussed taboo conversations. It was super fun, while it lasted but when the summer ended and I had to jump back into the classroom, editing became a very big task that I struggled to find the time to commit too.
Buuut... I still have so much to say and share! It would be so selfish of me to keep it to myself!
So grab a chair and something warm to drink as we dive into new topics every Tuesday. Many of the topics are from my followers on Instagram and/or Facebook. All of my platforms are created for imperfect parents just like myself, who want to reform their parenting and Build Bonds with Boundaries. This space is free of judgement and open to any parent who is looking for a safe space to be themselves and does not mind if I am myself (because I can be a lot). Are you ready? Great because we're starting now...
Oh! I almost forgot a few key things before we get started. I am the mother of my amazing 13 year old daughter, whom I often refer to as my 'Broke Best Friend' or BBF because let's face it, she is both of those things.
She will be attending high school shortly and I am currently her BFF but that has not always been the case. We have both grown tremendously and strive everyday to be the best versions of ourselves for ourselves and the betterment of our relationship. Okay now, leggo!
What is Reformed Parenting?
Okay so I want to break this down into bite sized pieces because well, that is the educator in me =)
The Oxford definition is pretty straightforward and describes my journey as a parent so well. Before reformed parenting, I had tried every approach I knew to parenting but no matter what I did, it all just seemed so wrong. My BBF was unlike any other child my friends and family ever saw, she was 35 handfuls on a "good" day. Let me paint this picture for you, at 13 months she was being released/ kicked out of her first daycare, you know where I pay you to care for and teach my child when I am at work/school! I was shocked, I had never heard anything like it but sure enough I was experiencing it and that was just the first of many.
After a few years of hitting roadblocks and few schools left in the county left for her to attend, I knew it was time for a change. The spankngs, taking the things she loved (she really didn't care too much for any specific thing) was not working. I even drove her to the police station to see if they could scare her straight, she was 5 at the time y'all... I am so happy I am in a place where I can laugh about the lengths I went to now but boy was it hard when I was going through it.
We moved to Tampa and luckily had a fresh start and that was the start of a new life for us. We had the chance to rewrite the story and we did. Not all at once but as I gained the knowledge of Child Development through my courses in Early Childhood Education, I took everything that I learned about seeing things from a different lens and I began to look inward. That change fostered the relationship I have with my daughter today.
Looking inward allotted me the opportunity to learn myself and gain a deeper understanding of my past hurts and learn my triggers (this is another topic for another day, stay tuned). Learning all of the above made me realize that I was parenting from a place of fear and not from a place of compassion. I began to put the work in, such as acknowledging my pain and working through them so that I could respond to my child more compassionately, so that she in return, would be more receptive and bayyybee... it was working!
That change is what I call Reformer Parenting, it is the act of changing the way you see or do something for a greater, more meaningful outcome and it is one of the greatest decisions I choose to make, everyday.