Safe Spaces
Do you allow your children to speak freely about their emotions? Do you think your children would ask for your advice on a "personal" matter? Does your child have a safe space to run to?
Safe spaces are a huge topic of conversation in the parent community and I agree that our children need a safe space to be themselves, after all I have an entire video on Youtube that lists the reasons/ benefits why.
My daughter and I have a great relationship and we discuss just about anything that comes to mind so I felt compelled to share with the world. For those of you that do not know, I am currently attending school to further my education as a parent, coach, and educator.
As I sat in class on Monday, my professor asks the following questions:
Name a time that you have felt safe?
Name a time when you feel most safe?
What does safety look and feel like to you?
We all looked at our professor in confusion, what on earth does that mean, what does that look like? When these questions are posed they are always are prefaced with, "If this begins to get too intense of a conversation for you, please feel free to go for a breather," and I would always sit there like, "okay, they are doing too much." Once defined,
"Emotional safety means that you feel comfortable sharing your hopes, fears, vulnerabilities and pain, because you trust someone will tend to these emotions with warmth and concern."
Tears began to form in my eyes and ya girl needed a breather, not even gonna lie! I realized that I have never felt free of judgement, shame, or guilt. I have never allowed myself to genuinely trust someone, the reason why? I am in search of but one begins to question... If I do not know what safety truly feels like, am I capable of providing that to my BBF? I had to really sit with my thoughts and sort through all of this. I remembered a time when my BBF shared something with me and because of her behavior at the time, I did not believe her.
In the years to come, it resurfaced and she expressed just how deeply it hurt her. Knowing that my judgement was the source of her pain ate me alive with guilt because I could remember what that felt like as a child. That day I changed the way I listened and that change has improved our relationship #reformed